After the Fox

Musings, rants and doodles of the celtic vixen

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My Life in a nutshell
mearu
What triggers this? Well I think I need to do this I'm so tired of assumptions being made for or about me so here it is raw and untamed don't like it? don't read it I didn't ask for anything just this is my explaination.

First off I'm a mother of two girls ages 1 and 2.5 years, NOT EASY! Think kids are like dogs or cats think again! They're far more complex, even more demanding and even more challenging, frankly a whole slew of puppies might be easier to deal with than these two somedays.

My FAMILY COMES FIRST - some don't like or understand this. Its simple fact, remember this! As it is Pro and I have no one to watch the kids if we want to go out and do something alone NO ONE! No family and most friends are busy or live too far away or aren't that knowledgeful or kids etc (No offense to any who are close enough, we just wouldn't want to burden you like that) We honestly have NO ONE I have been cooped up in this house for 3 years! so my patience is dwindling and when assumptions are made I get VERY angry. Its been assumed since we are immigrants we're idiots about raising kids, and its also assumed since I have been here for 3 years I should know Norwegian inside and out. Ok tell me where I get the class that allows me to bring the kids or who will watch them etc..... fact is family wise we're hurting. I'm pulling my hair out getting angrier by the day, I'm trying to do the proper house wife thing keep everything clean etc and raise the girls, we're potty training nikka now so NO I don't have time to sit infront of the computer and ignore my kids and house chores just so I can sit and be social via keyboard with everyone! Sorry folks I am more of a personal type I prefer to communicate with people in person if its possible as text will NEVER replace tone of voice or expressions made on the face or body language itself.

I came to the understanding that I will never make it back to the states nor will my parents get to see both their Grandkids ever. The lil fun things I had planned have been thrown back in my face mostly. We're in debt over our eyeballs, some asshat of a company just robbed me blind of my savings and we're tying to fight and get it back, Pro's job keeps stringing him along promising a contract but never giving him one, we have a car to get rid of but no money to fix what needs to be fixed so it can go on auction, debt again, the girls demands, pro and I have come to the understanding we hit a rough spot in our relationship we don't talk as much as we should, high tensions, extreme stress, the pressures of the country itself and yet somehow thru the day I'm supposed to be all smiling all friendly mea? She has no problems or when she does she's invited to talk about them then finds out that no one really gives a shit? Or how about the mail losing commissions? JOY OF JOYS! or even the fact that I've been taken granted of by my art, or it comes across that everyone is just smiling to my face and talking behind my back....thanks... really I know some are doing just that and for that I say thanks.

but I can't blame everyone else for this, no I was the one who didn't whine about her life's problems, that when I disappeared for a couple years because my previous marriage hit the rocks and all hell broke loose then resurfaced to get smacked across the face with judgement by people who had no idea what the terms of everything was! Yeah I'm sorry I don't whine or go emo or complain about what's going on in my life, I don't talk about the issues or problems, simply because this EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN PROBLEMS why the hell should I expect or want anyone to read about mine? In doing that I seemed to have created a "nothing wrong here, all perfect life!" appearance.... sorry its not true, I've become bitter, angry and have difficult time somedays finding reasons why I keep getting out of bed. Self pity whatever you want to call it but I've had life spitting on me from day one, and I won't detail that! So next time anyone wants to assume anything with me.... DO NOT embarrass yourself like that, it takes but a moment to drop an email, or even SMS if you have my phone.... find out for yourself, don't assume or go thru anyone....come directly to me and if you can't do that for whatever reason you think.....then the problem lays in your hands and don't be surprised if I get upset like this...I have a over flowing plate I'm unhappy and if things don't change soon I will likely be killed by my own stress....

End of rant take it or leave it, now you know this vixen's life is NOT perfect, and for the love of gods don't offer anything you can't keep to! its very hurtful and deceitful

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I can only hope I have not offered you such pain and have respected your space when you vanish. I am always here when you return.

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